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BUBBA TIP #7: Major Matches

All of us have had that burning desire to attend a Major Match. Our
inner self constantly tells us that regardless of how we do locally, we can win High Overall or at least outclass! Let me share with you what my thousands of experiences at major matches have taught and shown me. 

NO WAY JOSE !! There are always at least 5 people who have sandbagged their classification better than you did. To add insult to injury, Brain Farts live at major matches. The most dreaded words at a big match are (after you have shot the stage with your typical blazing speed and style and are wallowing in how wonderful you did and waiting to "show clear") when the RO says "are you sure you are finished?" You know there are targets with no holes in them, steel that did not fall, or targets you failed to engage, but at that moment with your magazine in your hand and either one or no bullets in the gun, divine intervention steps in and you are struck blind. Take your lumps and quickly think of an excuse you can share with your buddies who are waiting to hear why you did not shoot at a target or why that "dam-" steel needs to be calibrated. It is very important at this time to be real creative.

Major matches can be fun: a new town, the "Bates Motel," restaurants that serve things that have no appearance of being edible (Lomotil), and, of course, the companionship of your friends. The manufacturers' area is always a source of wonder (bring lotsa cash). Also, save a $20 bill to make a campaign contribution to the Chrono-Man's favorite charity, if and when your new trick bullet of the week does not make MAJOR. The Chrono is the stage that causes more stress than any other stage. Most of you all have never seen a MAJOR bullet, but, hopefully, while loading your new trick load the last few days before the match, you have stumbled on how to make the bullet fast enough.

I remember well one Match that, as I was looking at the preliminary results, I shouted "All right, I am going to be on the first page!" Then my friend said to me, "relax Bubba, there is only going to be one page." By all means, if you have a chance, attend and participate in a Major Match. Just remember that the $1000/2000 prize money does not go to 7th "B."

BUBBA TIP #6: Equipment Makes the Shooter

As clothes make the man, so equipment makes the shooter!
Points and Speed are not that important. What is important is the presentation you make at the range. Your equipment has to measure up to your personally perceived ability. Feast your eyes on this excellent example of an OPEN gun. (I will not resort to crass commercialization and tell you to check out www.sviguns.com for the latest and greatest semiautomatic pistols, they even make beautiful Limited guns.) This pistol belongs to an acquaintance of mine, needless to say, he neither deserves it nor does it justice. This is the style of pistol you need if you are intent on having everyone at the match in awe. It matters not whether it is an OPEN gun or LIMITED gun. But remember, real men shoot OPEN guns and we were not the ones crying for a power factor reduction. It is called Limited! The owner of this gun follows all the precepts of the Gun Guru, Bubba. He receives untold adulation and admiration from the crowds of people that watch him stroll across the range. Barnyard and Karrett are constantly asking him for style and equipment recommendations. At least he humbly acknowledges that he would be nothing without Bubba's Tips.
Remember, it is not how you shoot that counts but whether you look like the chump you can be.
BUBBA TIP #5: Premature Discharge

The bane of all pistoleros. There are two types of shooters, the ones that have had one and the ones that will have one. When you have yours, make sure you are practicing safe se- gun handling and the pistol is pointed in a safe direction. Having a bad day at the Match? The easiest and quickest way to remedy that is a premature discharge. Guaranteed to make your bad day, worse!
Our sport demands a perfect safety record! You cannot break the two cardinal rules, premature discharge or waving at your fans with the gun hand (180).
As a new shooter you are terrified. Don't feel bad, us older shooters are scared of you also. Even experienced shooters get forgetful (sloppy). The funniest thing I have heard in a long time was uttered by a Bubba wannabe. "That was almost a premature discharge."
All ranges have natural disturbances in the ground that encourage poor footing. Don't let your feet influence your finger. Keep the digit off the trigger! The gun will not go bang that way.
Remember none of us would get into trouble if we did not put things in places they should not be.
BUBBA TIP #4: KECK Diet

One of the more important aspects of our sport is physical conditioning. Most of us don't know, or care, what reps - abs - or gluts are and we think that BALLY'S is a very nice casino. I am going to share my secrets of speed and endurance with you. Unfortunately, most of our stages are designed by the "Bunny Food for Lunch Bunch". People into bodybuilding, gymnastics, and marathons. I say it is time for a revolution. As older shooters, we all know that man does not live by bread alone. I have fought too long and hard clawing my way to the top of the food chain to eat baked chicken breast, soy burgers, kale or broccoli. I have had wonderful success with the KECK diet "Krispy Kreme - Eddy's - Cookies - Kake (Literary license). It is nutritious, contains the three basic food groups, is readily available in most places and you don't have to eat it raw! Remember. Your body is a temple: do you want a small, insignificant shrine or a grand, robust symbol of your prowess? Besides most of the pictures taken of us are butt shots. That might be my best feature anyway.

Until next month: KECK BUTTS
KECK: Krispy Kreme - Eddy's - Cookies - Kake (Literary license)
BUBBA TIP #3: Range Attire

In Florida, three things can be said about our weather and shooting conditions. HOT-HUMID-BUGS. I will focus on the 2H's as I am not an M.D. and don't wish to expound on the types and quantities of various medical malfunctions caused by our insect population. Florida has eleven months of summer interspersed with drought or hurricanes. The ideal attire for our conditions is what I call the "ice cream man" look. It entails all white apparel accented with white accessories. This color scheme accomplishes numerous objectives, particularly if the items are of cotton. 
  • Cotton reflects the sunlight.
  • It absorbs prespiration (keeps your smell to yourself).
  • Makes you look like a no-shoot (depending on where you are this can be bad or good).
  • Makes it easier for you to match your shirt and shorts.
  • Discourages leopard skin bikini underwear - or if you are so inclined, white spandex bike shorts with a suitably located potato installed, this choice is always appreciated in the South Florida area.

These types of attire also give the significant other something to do or ask about. A suitable hat is also necessary, as it prohibits you from blinding the RO with your bald head. The hat should be of cotton, but if you are into masochism, a black polyester cap will work. Shoes are next. I have
a preference for clogs and argyle knee-high socks, but sometimes the mud is so deep on a stage (CATWALK) that my shoes get lost. Therefore, I would suggest lace up tennies if you can find a friend to help you tie them or bow biters will work. 

Heat prostitution is a real problem in Florida, so it is best to prepare yourself by having an up-to-date Will and a friend that is well versed in CPR. I personally do not do mouth to mouth.

Remember ---- STYLE COUNTS! 
And coming soon after many requests: The official Bubba review of new and
exciting products.

BUBBA TIP #2: Steel Targets

Steel targets have some of you by the throat. There can be a mental block involved in hitting steel. Over the years I have discovered the Ultimate Way to Shoot Steel. There are three important points to remember here. 
  1. It is not what you hit that counts, it is what the RO and your buddies think you hit. 
  2. NEVER let them paint the steel before you shoot. 
  3. Never shoot off the "ping." 

This style of shooting, called the Fred Astaire Method, can result in an immediate demonstration of the Steel Two Step. This a shooting competition, not the place to brag about your dancing skill of which you have none.
When engaging steel and you miss it on the first shot, immediately demonstrate your trigger speed and throw 3 or 4 more shots in the direction of the offending steel and proceed to the next target. If the steel does not fall, forget it. Some things are not meant to be. As the RO asks you if you are finished, politely request a calibration of the steel. This statement has to be done with a straight face. Looking at the enclosed photo, remember it is important for the target not to have been painted. But, if the target has been painted before your run, all I can suggest is that you immediately run to your fans, have them come with you to the steel - all holding hands, form a prayer circle around the steel and invoke a suitable deity. The other alternative is a quick application of paint to the steel, paying particular attention to liberally coating the hinge area.

In the next TIPS FROM THE TOP - I will discuss the proper range attire. Also coming are suggestions for equipment - mental preparation - physical prep and more exciting topics.

BUBBA TIP #1: Closing Out a Match

At any given Match, there are two REAL important stages. One is the first stage, this stage sets the tone and feel of the match for you. Remember, you are not going to win the match here, but you sure can lose it on this stage. Try to survive it with no major boo boo's. After this stage, the next most important stage is the last one. On this stage you can correct any good you have done throughout the match. This is the perfect place to firmly plant your nose in the dirt, totally destroying any chances you ever dreamed about. Review the photo - note the correct outward cant of the pistol. This Seagal style of shooting guarantees that the muzzle does not see what the sight sees. Any bullets thrown downrange at a target laying against the left side of the barricade with a no-shoot to the left of it will remain pristine. This statement does not apply to the no-shoot. With suitable practice and experience you will be able to ricochet the bullet or bullets off the barricade and firmly plant them in the "A" zone of the no-shoot. Resulting in massive amounts of penalty points.
That's all for now. Tune in next time for a description of how to throw large quantities of bullets at a "popper," missing it totally then asking for a calibration with a straight face.