YOU KNOW YOU'RE A SHOOTER WHEN...

(See Personal Favorites toward the end - credits follow the entries!)

…your friends think it's hysterical to set off a beeper in your ear when you're sleeping.

...you sign a check with your signature and uspsa number.

...you think a mortgage is a terrible waste of shooting money.

...people automatically phone you at the gun dealer's before bothering to call you at home.

...you're forced to wear your suit jacket everyday at work because the only shirts you own have STI, SVI, Dillon or Universal Shooting Academy emblazoned across the backs.

...you go to the match site anyway on a rainy day just to bitch about the weather and drink beer.

…the smell of bug spray reminds you of summer matches.

…you think of Ray Woodford, Ronnie Elrod, Kim Stroud and Bubba (huh?) as famous.

…you can't think of a good reason to pick up your mail for three weeks after your issues of "Front Sight" and "Gun Games" arrive. 

…your six year old son is a class C shooter.

...you try to apply lipstick with a loaded cartridge mistakenly taken from your stock of ammo stored in your makeup bag.

…you go to divorce court and are willing to give up everything except your reload equipment and used brass.

…you don't remember your anniversary or your mother's birthday, but you know down to the percentage of a point what your match scores have been for the past two and a half years.

…your business suits have oversized belt loops.

…you can't imagine anybody going on vacation without their range bag.

…tan is your favorite color.

…on a full moon night, you look up and think "No Shoot!"

…you know Wadette's email address and don't even know your own.

…you have no idea what is happening on the weekends in your own town, your own neighborhood or even your own house.

…you name your dog "popper."

…you see more little targets hanging on your Christmas tree than you see real ones at matches all year long.

…you refer to your girlfriend dumping you as a "DQ."

…after you get your car washed, you ask for gunpowder-scented air freshener.

…you refuse to break the 180 when entering an elevator.

…your gun costs more than your car.

…you forget to lower your voice when talking to your non-shooting friends.

…you know to the foot how many yards it is from your driveway to the range.

…whenever you open a door for somebody, you yell "range clear."

…your favorite movie doesn't last more than 60 seconds.

…somebody asks you for a match and you go into full detail of dates, times and range directions.

...you think there could be a relationship between your latest VISA statement and getting a surprise visit from <Sandy Strayer, David Skinner, etc.> who wants to meet you.

...you can't balance your checkbook, but CAN explain the point system.

...you're named "co-defendant" in your UPS guy's Workman's Comp case. (got this idea from Joey Cartwright's Corner)

AND PERSONAL FAVORITES:

...you try to talk your way out of a speeding ticket based on "professional
courtesy." (Jeff Dombrowski, da Cop, Michigan)

...you don't know what you are going to do with yourself on the one weekend out of the year that you don't have a match until you realize that the range will now be open for practicing. (Leo Llanes and Jerry Burnett)

...you purchase a computer and only have 2 icon links on your desktop, one to your club match results and the other to uspsa. (Leo)

...your family is thankful that there is only one match per weekend because, otherwise, you would have to quit your full-time job to make more time for reloading. (Leo)

...you do all the planning for the family vacation: the family is sent to Disney and you go to the out-of-area match. (Leo)

...the double-door gun safe replaces the china cabinet in your dining room. (Leo)

...you laugh your way through the latest Steven Seagal movie and find out afterwards that it wasn't a comedy. (Stewart Pomeroy)

...you find yourself carting a wagon with a cooler and range bag around with you everywhere you go. (Stewart Pomeroy) (note: he really does)

...you and your wife's opinions differ in whether your reload equipment is considered "decorative furnishings" in your bedroom. (Leo)

...you clean your racegun at the kitchen sink but you don't help wash the dishes. (Lee Leonard)

...you double tap the shutter button on your camera when you take a picture. (Chris Cox)

...your gun shop charges you rent. (Chris Cox)

...you yell "shooter ready!" while standing in front of a urinal. (wow Chris)

...you wake up in a cold sweat from a dream about being forced to give up your STI to your ex-wife in divorce court but in real life, you have no plans for a divorce. (Chris Cox)

...the first number on your phone speed-dialer is to Dillon Precision. (Jerry Burnett, Oregon)

...you won't buy a sports car because there's no room in the trunk for your range cart. (Jerry Burnett, Oregon)

...you know there are two "L's" in Sedro Woolley. (Jerry Burnett, Oregon)

...you are automatically issued a plane ticket every year to Barry, Illinois. (Jerry Burnett, Oregon)

...what everyone thinks is your aftershave is really Hoppe's #9. (Jerry Burnett, Oregon)

...you have no clean towels but your black BDU's are drycleaned every week. (Jerry Burnett, Oregon)

...your calendar reads "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Reloading Day, Match Day, Match Day." (Jerry Burnett, Oregon)

...your favorite video is "The 1996 Open Nationals." (congrats Jerry)

...you own 3 pairs of sunglasses in different colors and they're all impact-resistant! (Jerry Burnett, Oregon)

...you practice dry-firing in front of your TV during "The Muppets" and "The Simpsons" because primary colors are easier to see. (how old are you Jerry?)

AND:

...your arm muscles get tight, you hyperventilate, your blood pressure goes sky high and you get double vision at the mere sight of two little words, "South Africa."

AND:

...ALL the above apply to you but you can't figure out if that's good news or bad news. (Marshall Ankrom, Ohio)

WRITTEN AND COMPILED BY: Jannie "Foxworthy" (no, I don't have anything better to do until my STI gets here) .